In everything you have studied and felt inspired about, where have you personally got to in your own experience or realization?  Do you see the significance, the centrality, of this question?  It is of vital importance for you that you do not merely keep busy day after day on the basis of mere assumptions about the kind of results you are getting or are going to get in the future as a consequence of your beliefs, activities and efforts on various levels of your existence.  However, it is very hard for you or any other individual who strives for a higher, better state or capacity, to take the necessary pause of Self-review.  So we need to go very slowly here and not rush off to the next book, conversation, activity, chore or pleasure.

Where have you really got to?  How much have you actually developed and in what area?  Do you ever sadly notice yourself in a familiar scene of your life where you are working with the same old consciousness, sensations and reactions you always have?  And do you sometimes perceive yourself as quite stuck in your usual ruts?  In fact, have you not sometimes found yourself quite alarmed about your mediocre state of being only to have to face that your way of being alarmed about yourself is also a familiar psychological routine that never goes anywhere?  So you need to deeply review your condition and your prospects in a more sober, realistic and effective way.  Is this not so?  Do you understand a little better the significance of a profound Self-review and the courage to risk a serious and extensive disillusionment about your spiritual effectiveness, about what you can or cannot get with your usual procedures and assumptions?

Now, if you are directly reviewing your being and your ideas about your future, you cannot do it in accordance with any particular belief-system, tradition, teaching or powerful influencer.  You have to go direct into yourself, your Being and the trends of your life as you are actually living it.

What actually happens when you try to meditate or watch your breathing or repeat a mantra?  Does your quantum Kundalini energy rise in your body?  Does your mind experience subtle vistas and actions?  Do you undergo profound changes for the better on the different levels of your being?  Do you become Divine and Superconscious?  Do you enter the infinite eternal totality of all Being?  Or do you just mentally jabber to yourself your usual worries and concerns about all this?  Do you find that your particular yoga or occult practice is not doing what it was advertised to do?  Do you tend to have feelings of background spiritual failure and disappointment?  Do you perhaps believe that you are just not one of the “lucky” ones who have the Big experiences and miraculous unfoldments of Being?

It is possible that you have even received some blessing, Baraka or Shaktipat at some time from some apparently advanced personage, got a little experience from it, but later discovered that you are still rather dried-up and blocked-off from the spectacular occult, spiritual and cosmic unfoldment you were expecting and hoping for in accordance with promises given to you.  You may feel you have become dependent on a teacher, but unable to progress.  You may even feel you do not know whether to blame the teacher or yourself, so you just somehow carry-on, trying to make your outer ordinary life work and keeping your spiritual aspiration on a rather confused back-burner.  Or you may not feel you have a teacher, but can identify with “Confused Back-Burner” syndrome.  Whatever your particular case may be, you now need to do a very deep and realistic Self-review.  Will you now do this?

The haunting question of your own lack of certain levels or dimensions of experience and realization is not going to go away.  You have to learn to face this question better and better if there is to be real hope of retrieval of your spiritual potential.  Do you understand the concept of direct Self-review that is taken all-the-way?  Your Being is totally in question.  This is an existential and cosmic fact.

©2005 Kevalin Absoluto